So you are thinking about trying online dating? Maybe a friend has been encouraging you, or you have seen the advertisements for websites on commercials, or maybe you are tired of the bar scene or dating colleagues...regardless about what brings you to dating online, there are some things you definitely need to consider!
Setting Up Your Profile
Sign Up
First, you need to do some research about the different sites that out there and think about how they are going to serve your needs. There are numerous online dating sites you can try. Match.com provides you with the option of creating a free limited profile or a full profile after signing up for a monthly subscription. You can also sign up for a free profile on Plenty of Fish, www.pof.com. There are also several niche sites like christiansingles.com . Whichever site you choose, think about the type of person or people you ultimately want to meet and sign up on a site that may suit their needs as well.
Complete Your Profile
After you have signed up for at least one site, you need to create and complete your profile. Whether you are looking for friends, casual dating, or the one that you would like to spend the rest of your life with...be sure to take the time to fully complete your profile. You certainly do not need to write a novel about yourself or your desires. However it is important for you to take the time to be thoughtful about who you are and what you are looking for.
Use spell check :) Write in complete sentences. Avoid using texting language like shortening "you" to "u", etc. Remember, this is often the first or second impression you will be making on someone so you definitely want to put your best face forward. You don't have to be a perfect writer by any means! Just show that you care enough about yourself and meeting someone that you took the time to make it worthwhile.
Upload Photos
Next, you need to upload photos of yourself! It may be tempting to upload half naked or shirtless photos, photos of your blood shot eyes from having a great time partying, or a photo-shopped cropped photo that hides your special place where you keep your Starbucks...but the most attractive photos are the ones where you are smiling. And, as much as you want to showcase that great body you have been working on, refrain from uploading tons of pictures of yourself standing in front of a dirty mirror at the gym...You probably do look hot, but your picture portrays that you overly think so too. Don't get me wrong. Confidence is definitely sexy! But there is something about taking photos in a gym that suggests something more egotistical than humble and confident :) And if you must show off your body (which if you have been working on it, you should definitely showcase your sexy self)....but do it by leaving a little to tease with...Take a photo showing how your upper body fills out your shirt, or of you holding something cute like a puppy, or flowers, or a book, or something that allows you to flex a bit...but not too much! Leave us wanting more ;) Try to use recent photos (within the last year or so) and if you feel like uploading oldies but goodies, just be sure to indicate that they were taken a bit ago. You may like how you looked then, but the people who meet you are going to see who you are now. So there's no point in trying to hide those freckles, that balding spot or those lovely extra side curves. :) Besides, those may be some of the features your future partner find sexiest about you.
If you do not have any recent photos of yourself, here are a few basic tips:
- Take a shower first! Your face looks the best when it's fresh!
- Use good lighting. Natural lighting is the very best. Look in the camera and avoid shadows.
- Wear something that you love and that looks great on you! Make sure it's not too tight or too lose and definitely make sure there are no stains or holes. :)
- Boys, wear a hat in at least one photo! Hats draw our attention to your eyes and facial features. Smile, and you have just created an intensely sexy photo! Also take a photo with your hair styled so that we can see more depth in you.
- Girls, style your hair by straightening or curling. Use hair spray. Mascara, white eye shadow in your inner eyes, dark eyeliner and blush help make your best features pop!
- Take a few close up photos and ask someone to take a few body shots. Just be natural and genuine...and smile!
Okay, now that you have completed your profile, you are ready!
Start Making Connections!
Search
Start your search for potential matches. Once someone catches your eye...say hello! Tell them your name and why you are saying hello to them. Let them know you are different from your competition because you recognize and appreciate that they are different.
Compliment
Give them a compliment! Say something that doesn't sound too creepy or cheesy. It's best if you just say something you mean! Try "Hello, my name is ____. And, wow! You really caught my eye!" Or, "I can't believe how beautiful (or attractive) you are!" Or "I was browsing through and I just had to stop and say hello to you after seeing your gorgeous smile". Be genuine in your compliment and read their profile BEFORE you say anything to them! Show them that you are thoughtful enough to learn more about them and that you are not just messaging them for the hell of it.
Be Curious and Genuine
Remember that their inbox is already flooded with simple and obnoxious messages. If you want to ensure they reply back, ask them a great question about something you read in their profile. Here are some starter questions if your conversations get stuck: (And I would like thank a few people I have met online who gave me some of these ideas:)
- What is your favorite color?
- Tell me something about your family! (It is also important to recognize that not everyone has perfect childhoods and sometimes talking about family can be hard).
- If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
- If you could be anything or anyone for a day, what would you be?
- What are your favorite flowers?
- Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
- Who is the person you are closest to in the world and why?
- If you were on a deserted island and could only eat one thing for a whole year, what would it be?
- What is your favorite thing to cook?
- What is something unique that you do in your free time? (I always have a hard time when someone asks what I like to do for fun. I think that most things are appealing to a lot of people. So ask them about something unique to learn something more incredible about them!)
- If you could fight for one single cause in the world or make one difference in the world, what would it be?
- If you had to play one song on repeat for an entire month, what would it be?
- Tell me about the teacher or person who has made the biggest impact on your life.
- Would you rather be outside, soaking up sunshine together or inside, snuggling up on a snowy day?
- If we could do one thing together without talking (and without touching), what would it be?
- How long would you wait before you introduced someone you like to your friends and family?
- What is your favorite song to dance to?
- What is something that makes you laugh every time?
- If you could spend the rest of your life doing something you absolutely love, what would it be?
Be Engaging
Reply back. You have done all this work to finally reach out them so why hold back now? Keep in mind that their inbox is filling up with messages that push yours down on the list. So you don't have time to play the games of playing hard to get and waiting a few hours or days before replying to them...You are just wasting their time and yours while you are trying to play it cool. If you want to get something you want, you have to go for it! :) And you need to make the time to find out if they are someone you could really see yourself with. To do that, you need to get to know them :)
Don't be creepy. Don't be needy. Don't be pushy. Don't be douchey.
Ask them what they are looking for and respect their boundaries. Unfortunately, the internet is full of people who either do not not know how to communicate properly and use horrible grammar and pick up lines, or they are too impatient and pushy and expect the person they are messaging to just give up their standards or boundaries and hurry up to meet their needs. Even if you feel an incredible connection with that person, ask before giving your phone number to them or expecting them to just start calling you or texting. I have personally had a few guys ask before initiating texting and calling, and it made all the difference. :) It's completely okay to be excited about them! But just let them take their time if they need to. And if you need a little time to work up to meeting them, say so! The right guy/girl will totally understand. Respect someone's hesitation about giving out their number. It means that they are smart and cautious and it does not necessarily mean that they are cautious about you personally. Blocking someone online is a whole lot easier than blocking someone's phone number or having to change yours because a stranger went too far.
Be Patient and Flirt
Ok. If you already practicing the tips above, you are already standing out for sure! If you aren't getting immediate replies, keep in mind that this person is just really busy. There is always the possibility they aren't interested, but that just means that you will meet someone who is :) So, after you have been chatting for a while (depending on how open the two of you are, you might be chatting for a few days to a few weeks), you can start being a little more romantic and start discussing some of the more important topics like sex, kids, and marriage. Don't get too serious about these topics. You haven't met yet! And even if you have been on a few dates, these conversations are meant for discussing with someone you are starting to really care about. However, it is a good idea to ask generally what they have in mind, just so you know that if you are someone who has been dreaming about having kids and the person you are talking with has decided they absolutely do not want to have kids or that they refuse to be a step-parent and you already have a little child of your own...well it's nice to know those things up front and in advance so that you do not get your hopes up with someone who isn't right for you. Start being a little more creative. Be cute and sexy. Flirt more! Let them know that you are thinking of them and let them know why. It is incredibly attractive to receive a random photo or message from someone that says you are on their mind!
"Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean." Emily Maynard, The Bachelorette.
Recognize the vulnerability in texting and messaging. Be clear when you are talking with each other. Understand that the autocorrect feature on smart phones doesn't always interpret the right word. If you are being funny or sarcastic, emote that! Use the wink ;) smiley face or say "jk". The last thing you want is for the person to take what you said seriously or get their feelings hurt. You also don't want them to interpret what you said in the wrong way or think that you don't like them because you use one word sentences or don't directly say that you like them. This is the time to be sweet and meaningful and to be vulnerable with yourself a little. Tell the person that you are starting to care for them or that they put a smile on your face :)
Decide to Meet!
When you both start feeling comfortable with each other and feel like you are ready for the next step, discuss meeting! It is definitely more attractive and exciting for the guy to officially invite the girl on a date. My suggestion and an upcoming trend is to first meet up for coffee and/or a walk in the park. I find this to be really appealing because it takes the pressure off of the first date. Think about it. If this was someone that you had already met and asked you out...well, you have already met them! So think about meeting in a public place just to finally see each other face to face and see if you feel the chemistry you feel online. And, remember that nerves might get in the way during that first meeting. So you if you felt chemistry online and didn't quite feel the same in person, give it a second chance on the first romantic date :) (so the next time you meet). At the very least, if you mutually respect each other, you can have a great time as friends.
Be Open and Ready for Love
I absolutely believe that every single person in this world deserves to love and be loved and that you get 10 times what you give back. So, keep your heart open. Love life. And be ready to let go and jump in when love finds you!
Best wishes on your romantic journey!
XoXoXo
Le Renee
.jpg)
I don't think I have met anyone who truly desires to spend their lives alone. People may feel called to be abstinent or life circumstances like divorce or death loss may create experiences of loneliness And some people unintentionally continually end up alone. But I am inclined to believe that simply choosing to be alone-without any desires to connect with another human being-is rare.
