The first date is usually the most special, and that's because it comes and goes. And sometimes, we aren't sure if we are going to get a second date-or maybe we don't want one. I have created a list of 10 rules to follow when going on your first date with someone you think might be special. These are rules you probably won't hear from Hollywood, but I believe they go such a long way towards ensuring your first date is memorable and that you will have many, many more successful dates to come.
Le Renee's Advice for the First Date:
1. Make the first date super casual.
Take away the pressure and expectations to just focus on noticing and nurturing the connection the two of you may have. My recommendation is to make the first date a day date. Keep it simple and sweet by going out for coffee. And, if you notice there isn't a strong connection, or this person isn't someone you desire to pursue something with, you are just a latte away from walking away. There are less hard feelings and complicating emotions by keeping it casual. And, if you hit things off, you will already have great chemistry built up for a more intimate second date!
2. Keep the first date short.
You want to see if that connection is there, and if it is, you don't want to burn it out or move things too quickly by rushing in. Keeping your first date to a minimum allows for time for growth. If this is something you want to last, you want to build a strong foundation you can build upon. I recommend keeping the date to about an hour. Just enough for great flirting and conversation and just enough to help the second date be that much more special.
3. Be romantic.
Be seductive...but in a sensual way. Even if you have a casual coffee date, you can still be romantic. Bring her flowers or a single rose. Give them a handwritten note asking them on the next date. You can give them tickets to an upcoming sports game or show. The key is to let them know that you are taking their time seriously and want to get to know them. Let them see your sweet and sensitive side early on!
4. Ask thoughtful questions.
Don't just ask about what they do for a living. Because unless they absolutely love their job, who they are is not what they do. Ask questions about their dreams, goals, favorite city they would travel to this weekend if they could. Ask if they prefer to go out or stay in and make dinner? Ask what type of dates they enjoy or things they've never done before. What are their passions? What do they like doing in their free time? What do they wish they had more time to do? All of these questions can give you great insight about the person and can help you to build a road map for several of your future dates together. Be engaging. Don't just talk about yourself-listen to what they are saying. Be intentional about the conversations you initiate. Get to know them!
5. Be genuine.
Be yourself. If you have a wild crazy, passionate side, or a nerdy, quirky side, own it! Rock it out! Keep in mind that you may not want to share every detail about your personality (
see my post about being spongeworthy). However, if you are smiling at the person sitting across from you, mean it. Don't try to be someone that you aren't. If you are outgoing and energetic...be outgoing, bubbly and energetic. If you are shy, quirky and cute...be shy quirky and cute! You will have much more success in relationships by being who you are when someone isn't looking because who you really are will show sooner or later. So you might as well start off your relationship being the incredible you that you are! The keepers are the ones that prefer that side of you anyway!
6. Give and receive compliments.
Even if the girl or guy of your dreams is two feet away from you, don't rush in. If you are really feeling a connection, create one or two meaningful moments to share it with that person. And by meaningful, I don't mean a first kiss. And by sharing, I do not mean that you should go into details. Remember, this is your first date, so if things go well you should have many more opportunities to be romantic and tell them how you feel. Today, you just want them to walk away knowing that you are as interested as they are in developing your connection. If it was love at first sight for you, tell them after you've told them you love them-not today. Give a thoughtful compliment about how striking they are, how interesting they are, or how inspiring they are. And if they don't return a compliment, don't worry. Don't seek out reassurance. You will be assured when they accept your proposal for a second date. :)
7. Limit your focus on physical attraction .
On the new hit show,
Ready for Love, incoming bachelors pick their potential matches by hearing their voices and learning a little about them before actually meeting them. This is because physical attraction can only go so far. Relationships that last are built on friendship and companionship, with a balance of sexual intimacy and physical connection. You want your relationship to have emotional substance and provide intellectual stimulation.
On your date, it is important for you to focus on the person in front of you and you can't do that if you are constantly picturing what they look like with their clothes off. :) It's good to notice your attraction to them and it's nice to tell them, but choose your moment wisely and make it count. It can be when you first see them, or sometime as you are getting acquainted. Rather than simply saying "you are gorgeous". Make an effort to really compliment them. Smile at them, pause for a moment, take a deep breath, make eye contact and say "Wow. I cannot believe how beautiful you are". You probably aren't the only one that has complimented her on her looks, so help your compliment stand out and really make an impression. And, now that you have complimented them on their physical appearance, it's time for you to find something deeper to acknowledge. If all you compliment is their looks, that person will understand very quickly that you are only interested in a hook up. But, if you make the one or two times that you compliment their beauty count, she will remember your words and how she took your breath away. Just be sure to mean whatever compliment you give. See rule number 5.
8. Be patient.
Take your time in the date. If you are nervous, let them know that you are excited about the date and that it is making you feel nervous. But then work to get those butterflies a little less fluttery! Don't feel like you have to run around to open doors and pull chairs out. Slow down. Take a deep breath. You don't have to have all the perfect words come to you. Refrain from planning and talking too much about the future. Save that for upcoming, more serious dates. Today, just be present and take in the moment with this new person you are sharing your time with.
9. Ignite sparks not sex.
If you have stuck with my advice so far, you are making a great impression and are working to set a solid foundation in your potential relationship. So, as much as you want to affirm your emotions with a kiss or something more physical, refrain. Save it for later. This date is about building that connection you started with when you two decided to try a first date. Like when starting a blazing fire, you need to start with sparks and small, slowly burning flames. Your first one to three dates should be all about those sparks. Make sure they are meaningful and noticeable. Make them count!
If you you are out for coffee, see if you can sit closely together or side by side for more intimate proximity. If you are standing in line together, girls, reach out and touch his arm. Guys, place your hand gently on the small of her back, just for a few moments (enough to send chills up her spine). Smile so that it reaches your eyes. Ask her how she likes her coffee. Lean towards her a little as you collect the coffee from the barisata. And, when you hand it her, hold it for a second while she takes it from your hand. Make eye contact. Again, grin, giggle! Be sure to be respectful and confident when ordering your coffee. This stuff all matters!! These are the sparks that we have forgotten about, yet they make all the difference.
Sparks help to build a connection, strengthen chemistry, help to build trust. Be intentional, authentic and thoughtful about them, and with the right person, they will burst into sexy flames :) Guys, at the end of the date, smile, let her know that you enjoyed yourself and that you are excited to get to know her more. Offer to walk them to their car. Or, as she is leaving, give her a meaningful hug. Don't give her a pat on the back kind of hug. And don't awkwardly hug her for too long. Just gently pull her in, hold her tightly for about three seconds.....one....two.....three.... then slowly let her go. No more. No less. Again, no matter how much you may want more! ;)
10. Follow up after your first date.
If you said you were going to call them/text them about the next date, then follow through! But before that, validate the date experience you just had with them! Don't let days or weeks go by so that you can "
play it cool".
Text him/her when you get home and let them know they are special enough to still be on your mind. At the same time, don't send them billions of texts telling them you think they are the one and are so amazing. See rule number 8.
My recommendation is to let that person know that they made a difference in your day and that you aren't just playing the field. You can put a huge smile on their face by sending the right kind of text or calling with the right statements.
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Try this great text: "I just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed meeting/seeing you today and that I can't stop thinking about you and your beautiful smile. Thank you for such a great first date! I am looking forward to seeing you soon!"
Don't send: "Wow. You are the most amazing woman I have ever met. I think that we could be really great together and I see a future with you.". Don't get me wrong. This is the perfect text to send after you two have been on a few dates together. But to send it after the first date, it is too soon.
Another not so great text is one where you are seeking reassurance after just meeting: "Wow. You are incredible. I am very attracted to you both physically and emotionally. I hope you feel the same about me." Again, the reassurance will come when they agree to go out with you again.
When they respond, thank them for the compliment they probably returned: "Aw :) Thank you so much! I hope you have a great rest of your day! I know I will have a smile on my face today."
Then leave it at that! It is tempting to want to keep telling them how amazing they are and how lucky you are to have met them....but you don't want to scare them off or rush into things too quickly if they feel the same.
Now get to planning that fabulous second date! ;)
xoxox Le Renee
Order lunch for them and have it delivered at work. Better yet...deliver it yourself! :)
The simplest way you can show them you care is to start off each day sending texts that let them know they are the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing on your mind as you drift off into your dreams.
